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The Chronicles
Volume 2 Issue 9 |
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London Vampyre Group
PO Box 487
London
WC2H 9WA
© Copyright 2007
London Vamypre Group
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Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness
(Tagline: In Space, The Sun Never Rises)
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...well, yeah - but then it never sets either does it? So it's not exactly
the natural habitat of a Vampire. This is the tale of a salvage ship that
finds a massive vessel drifting in space with the crew all dead and a
cargo of mysterious coffins.
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With a production budget that looks like it ran to some milk bottle tops
and spare change the producers manage to cobble together a wafer thin tale
of space vampires escaping a dying world.
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Sounds good? Well, it's not: Udo Kier (who you'll recognise from thousands
of cheapo horror films - including the recent Bloodrayne) is
the only actor to bring any life to a role (no pun intended)
- and that's mainly due to his amazing accent - I know we're not expecting
a masterclass here, but Coolio (yes, that one) is just appaling - the
budget didn't run to any flying effects so when he turns bad, he just leaps
about a bit to try and look otherworldly. Hmmmm.
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Captain Van Helsing (Casper Van Dien) is the generic square jawed hero
and Erika Eleniak (Baywatch) is also along for the ride. They both looked
even more bored with the whole thing than I was.
It never really gets going, but at just over an hour (without the credits)
it's not going to steal too much of your life. There's not even that much
blood (surely a must have). Oh, and Dracula's way too chubby - he looks like
he couldn't hurt a fly (he'd have to catch it first).
If you're really still reading with interest there's a trailer - just
click here.
Rating: 3/10
Pendants Corner: Yes I know you could be far enough away from the nearest
star to not have any natural sunlight to kill a vampire, but how far is far enough?
Zuul
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